I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
