im six kinds of drunk right now
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
