Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
