I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
