she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Randomize
