I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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