they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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