I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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