Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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