You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
