The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
