there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
