He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
