Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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