can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
