i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
