I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
