you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
