I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
