I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
