I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
