Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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