I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
