pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I died a long time ago.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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