One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I looked at my own cervix.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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