we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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