whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
