Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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