Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
