I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
