it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
