My room smells like vodka and shame
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
