he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
