My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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