Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
