it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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