She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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