I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
