You made me cry and you don't even care
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
