So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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