I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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