Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
