is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize