"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
