I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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