seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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