you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize