Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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