it's too hot outside to masturbate.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize