I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
