AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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