Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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