dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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