Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
