god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
