I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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