Sponge bath it is.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
