My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
