I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
