Can Purell be used as lube?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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