Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What a dumb baby whore.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
