she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
