Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
