Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
