He kissed a someone with a penis
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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