Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
