well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I sprained my soul last night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
