plz talk dirty to me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
