You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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