well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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