I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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