if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize