worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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