I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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