could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
