The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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