Non-Jews are for practice
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
